like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
