I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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