today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
