Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
