God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's Friday. Sex?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
