first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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