Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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