Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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