I've blown a few things in my day
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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