So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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