I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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