I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
A+ Viking dick
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