all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
