Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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