Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
