I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
