I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
