Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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