Your tits are I can't wait for
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
