Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
