he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
