I wish my penis had an off switch
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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