Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
