the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
