Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I want is dick and wine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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