im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
