I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
