someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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