He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
