Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
