u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
