get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
