So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
