I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
