My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
