I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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