She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
