did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
