I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
