is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Naked Twister starts at high noon
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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