Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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