That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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