just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
