This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
