Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
