She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
