I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
