This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
