All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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