Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
